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 | | | | Apr30Written by:Bill Park
Sunday, April 30, 2000 6:00 PM  Now, I'm about to tell you guys some lies, and I'm gonna tell you some truths.
The lies will all be relative lies, pertinent to given situations and changeable as life or the mind of your last squeeze. The truths will always be true no matter what you or I might try to do to change them.
Instead of thinking of them as ‘lies' and ‘truths', I like to think of them as ‘Rules' and ‘Laws'. Man makes up ‘Rules', and these rules really don't stand for much. They are basically pointers to good behavior. Sometimes he even tries to call some of these rules ‘Laws'. But they are just fancy rules, and all rules are made to be bent, circumvented, broken, twisted, spray painted, shat upon, and otherwise abused. On the other hand, God and Nature have concocted the ‘Laws'. "Laws' are inviolate. There is no way around, over, under, or through a Law. It applies, and there just isn't anything that we can do about it, other than to learn to live within the boundaries that the various Laws provide, and to try to use their tenants to our best advantage.
The Stumpy Awards
So I just opened my shiny new copy of Studly Audio Gear and turned to the interview with Wan Kule Guy. Now, Wan is probably my favorite producer/engineer. His work on the Knatzi Show Band's debut CD, ‘Crumps For The City', floored just about everyone, and won four "Stumpy" Awards. Besides, he's got some way cool shades, and I hear that he's dating the star of "Binky, Wolfen Wounder". She even did a cameo in the NSB's "Crump You, and the Skateboard You Rode In On!" video!
And right there in black and white, Wan Kule Guy says that he used the new Terbo Crumpus Vocal Infrizulator, from Sosumi Electronics. He used it on all the tracks, and then for added measure, ran the entire finished mix through it TWICE (once forward, and once backwards at double speed, of course) because the indescribable ‘thing' that this box added to the sound was, to quote, "… so In-credulous, Dude!!"
My knees begin to shake. My stomach feels queezy, and it's not because of the three bean burritos and the cream soda that I scarffed at the 12/11 on my way back from the magazine stand. I roll the Studly Audio Gear Mag into my sweaty fists and embark, with purpose in my step, a determined jut to the chin, and a steely confidence in my eye. The doors to the local Sum Dust Musopolis fly open before me, and customers and clerks alike stand in awe of my presence (or is it the post-bean burritos odure-du-flambe?) as I approach the counter.
Welcome to Guitarget. May I Confuse You?
The Sales-Nerd du jour approaches me and disdainfully mumbles, "Knth Ei Hump Ju?" around his tongue stud. He couldn't be more disinterested if he had six feet of dirt on his face.
I've got a basement STUDIO! I'm COOL! I've got panache and style! And a BLACK LEATHER CYCLE JACKET! I ain't about to be dissed by some bleached-out creep with plaid shorts, a nose ring, and silver fingernail polish. I flash my jaunty all-knowing grin. In a deep, masculine, Al Green voice I say, "Give me a Terbo Crumpus Vocal Infrizulator".
The pimply creep replies, "Would that be the Pro version, or Standard? Or the Turbo Terbo model? Rack-mount, table-top, or stomp-box? Battery or AC? RAM or ROM? Purple, blue, or black? Tube option? Four-on-the-floor, or automatic? You look like about a 16 with 33 inch sleeves…. Do you need any picks or strings with that? How about our extended warranty? Can I show you something in a Chateau de Wogvin, perhaps a '56?"….
…then he distractedly wanders away to help the girl with the purple hair and big attributes select a tambourine as I frantically tear through my crumpled, sweat-stained copy of Studly Audio Gear Mag looking for the -right- Magic Box to buy.
Looking for the Magic Box
Let me give you a hint. It ain't there. There IS no Magic Box that will take my mixes and make them into killer hits. This is the ‘First Misapprehension of Audio Recording'. I think that it goes something like, "If I could just afford a XXXXX, my mixes would BE GREAT !!!"
I have a friend, Wham E. Barr. Wham is a great guitar player. But he has yet to reach his career potential, because he just doesn't know how to get –That Sound- and he is certain that the answer lies in the equipment that he runs. The guys at Sum Dust always like to see him coming. They know that he will buy anything they can come up with provided it has enough bells and whistles and they can associate it with enough buzz words. They know that they will make their commissions. And they know that next month he will be back, dumping what he buys this trip in the ‘used' department, and looking for something new. He buries his talent behind a wall of effects, and no one can hear how good he really is. The local players call him "The Junk Man".
So what do these two stories have in common? Neither of the protagonists have the basic knowledge to operate the gear that they already own. Both are looking for an easy fix… something that they can just run out and buy that will solve their problem. But this ain't Voodoo. No Magic Box, no Sexy Plug, and no amount of money can put into a signal what isn't there to start with. Those gleaming new boxes can certainly ruin your sound if not used properly, though.
How -DO- you make good mixes?
It has a little to do with the tools (read: GEAR) that you use. But it has much more to do with the tools that you personally carry around with you everywhere that you go. No, not your Leatherman or that permanent circular dent in your wallet. We're making music here. You start with a good song, a good set of ears, and a smattering of audio theory. I cannot help you with the quality of the song today, but I can tell you that your ears and your mind are trainable.
The ability to recognize that something actually sounds 'better' rather than just 'different' takes some exposure and a chance to compare. Like moving from hamburger to steak, the first time you try it you are not so sure, but after a while you get the idea…."mmmm, Steak, Goooood!"
So how do you assist your ears to do a better job for you?
Give them good, clean monitors in a good monitoring environment. Listen at lower levels. Start –removing- things from the signal path rather than adding them. Less –Is- More. Every element in a mix should have a reason to be there. If you are really interested in knowing what you need to add to a track, it helps to know what is really –there- to start with.
Listen to lots of commercial CD releases on your monitoring system, particularly music in the style that you are trying to emulate. This serves the dual purpose of getting your ears familiar with your system, and getting you familiar with the hits in the style in which you want to work. Pay attention and try to analyze… just what sounds different?
Fire up your own mixes. Close your eyes. (I do this all the time. It's amazing how much the visual word can distract from the audible one.) Are the vocals clear? No? Why not? What is intruding on the ‘space' that should be reserved for the vocal? How about the cymbals, what do they sound like? Is the bass muddy? Take each piece of the sonic puzzle, one piece at a time, isolate it in your mind, and listen to it. Every piece needs a space in which to sit, and if it does not have ownership of that space, the music will suffer.
You DON'T have to be an engineer in the classic sense, but you do need to understand how to set up your gain structure correctly and how to maintain it as you move from piece to piece of outboard gear.
Invest in Your Head
It helps to know the frequency response of your instruments. A basic understanding of how the different types of microphones work and a little understanding of the acoustics of sound reproduction as it relates to microphone placement would not hurt. There are a handful of other precepts that are critical to making good audio. Knowing them can help you, and not knowing them can make dog meat out of your mixes, even if you are using the best gear on the planet. Most people here hit the wall with their knowledge far before they hit the limits of their equipment. Unfortunately, their answer doesn't seem to be to get more knowledge, it seems to be to buy more gear.
Knowledge is the friend of the common man, and the majority of us are going to benefit from a little time spent at the books. I do recommend books or web sites like this one over magazines. Books are generally carefully proof-read, and the response to mistakes that might be made on a web site allow for quick repair and correction.
But the absolute nonsense that is passing for audio advice in the trade magazines is getting scary. In the last three months there have been two completely mind-boggling suggestions in commonly read music trades. There has been a lot of fall-out from the first suggestion, and I am looking at comments ramping up now from the second one. I have to suggest that if you read something in a magazine that goes against everything that everyone has ever told you about audio, please toss the idea around among some of your more knowledgeable friends before you adopt it as gospel.
After a certain point you -do- need good gear, and I'm sorry, but better quality gear usually costs more money than lesser quality gear. You can always choose to make a compromise to accommodate your needs and budget. If you want to try to convince yourself that each compromise does not affect the end product that is fine, but don't try to convince me, because I know and can demonstrate that this is a lie. That's what controlled environments and test gear are for.
This doesn't mean that you can't make good music on a budget... far from it. All it means is that there is usually a measurable quality difference between cheap stuff and expensive stuff. No one would question that my custom-built $5,000 Santa Cruz acoustic sounds better than a $200 Crumpus acoustic, or that my old gold top Les Paul or Silver Anniversary Strat sound better than a TerboCaster electric.
But if I say that my U-89 sounds better than a Marshall 2001... WATCH OUT! I have become a tool of the Elitist Running Dog Pro Studio/Expensive Gear Maker Cartel, and I am trying to bilk the hard-working bedroom dweller out of his cash for my own nefarious purposes.
Fellas, it's science, not Golden Ears. The differences between better gear and less good gear can be measured and displayed. Better than this, IT CAN BE HEARD.
It's what you do with what you have that is most important. You have to know how to use what you have to the fullest, and how to wring every feature and hundredth of a dB of performance out of it. That's the –real- trick to this business….learning how to use the tools at your disposal to make the best music that you can. And has often been said in other fields, "It is a poor Craftsman who blames his tools."
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